


Exposed

by OrmondSacker



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Pining, Stress Relief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-22
Updated: 2017-01-22
Packaged: 2018-09-19 07:27:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9425813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrmondSacker/pseuds/OrmondSacker
Summary: Waking up after Scarif Bodhi finds his long hair gone. Yet another thing he's lost. But perhaps he has found something too.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Well so, Rebelcassians got an Anon and Bodhirookador [added some tags](http://luminousfinn.tumblr.com/post/156232779523/okay-running-with-hair-anons-idea-and-making-it). My plot tribbles decided to make this out of the whole thing.

The first thing Bodhi is aware of is neither the loud noises around him, nor the almost blinding light - _is the battle done, or do the other still fight_ \- but the unfamiliar feeling of a cold draft across his neck and scalp. It fills him with a wordless panic and make him struggle. 

His limbs are heavy and lethargic, almost beyond his ability to command, but he still fights. 

 _He needs get up, get out of here._  

Something is wrong, very wrong. He has to get away. 

 _The shuttle. It's gone. But they'd need it to get off-_  

"He's waking up. Increase the anesthetics." 

 _No_ _!_  

The world fades once more. 

 

Again the world comes back, softer and more muted this time. The noises are less loud, light less sharp and intrusive, but the coldness is still there and his pulse spikes again. 

Someone takes his hand in theirs and rubs it. They're saying something, but though the voice is familiar and calm, Bodhi cannot make sense of the world. 

He shifts, tries to cover his cold neck and head, but his body feels so heavy and it's so hard to move. 

The hand offers him comfort and solace though. It keeps holding on to his. Even when others come in and start poking at him it never lets go and that keeps him from panicking too much. 

 

More time passes and Bodhi thinks he might have drifted away again for a while, but now he's back to the world of the waking and his body is beginning to respond to his orders. 

"Shhh, don't try to move too much." 

Finally he recognizes the voice, Cassian.  

His eyes refuses to open, but it calms him to have a friend here. He relaxes even further when he feels Cassian take his hand again. 

"The sedation is still wearing off, they had to give you quite a shot. You were pretty stubborn about staying awake." 

'Why is my head cold'. He tries to say the words, but all that comes out of his throat is a choked noise. 

"Are you thirsty?" Cassian asks. 

Bodhi shakes his head. He is, but it's not what's at the forefront of his mind. 

"Head," Bodhi manages to say. 

"Your head? Are you cold?" 

He nods weakly. "Why?" 

"Why you're- I see. I'm sorry but they had to shave your hair off to fix the burn injuries." 

Bodhi's eyes flies open at that as he remembers, panic instantly loose in his body. 

 _The shuttle, it had blow up behind him. What had happened. How had they got of_ _Scarif_ _without-_  

"Hey, hey." Cassian puts a hand on his arm. "It's okay, you're safe. We're all safe. We did it, we're safe. The Death Star is gone. You did it, you got us out." 

"I did it," Bodhi mutters, though he doubts Cassian can hear it though he's standing right next to him. It does nothing to make his panic fade. 

"I'm going to get a doctor," Cassian continues as he squeezes Bodhi's hand. "They said they wanted a look at you once you were properly awake. Be right back." 

Cassian disappears leaving Bodhi alone to try and calm himself.  

 _They got off,_ _they got away with the plans. Though Bodhi can't for the death of him remember anything after the shuttle blew up._  

His naked head doesn't really help his concentration, it is more unnerving than he can put into words. His hair has always been long, right from childhood. Even when he was in the Imperial flight academy where it was technically against all regulations he kept it long. It is a shield and a comfort, a veil that hides him from the world when he wants it to and something to occupy his hands when he's nervous. 

And now it's gone. 

Like Jedha, like his family. He remembers his mother and sister braiding their hair, sometimes they would braid his too. His sister's agile fingers nimbly working the long strands into a tight, perfect braid. 

His stomach folds in on itself and tears sting his eyes. 

Cassian's return with a doctor – a middleaged woman with dark eyes and darker skin – interrupts his thought, offering him distraction from the painful memories. 

The doctor gives him a polite and professional smile. 

"Welcome back," she says. "I'm doctor Alon. How are you feeling, mr Rook?" 

Bodhi licks his lips, trying to form words. Between the aenesethics and the lump that is still in his throat, speaking is hard. 

"Take the time you need. You're still recovering," she reassures him. 

"Cold. My head it's, so-" He knows how odd it must sound right now to everyone else, but his mind can think of little else. 

"I can imagine that it's upsetting waking up so different, but it was a choice between your hair and your life. The burns on your head and neck were extensive. I'm impressed you lived long enough to receive treatment at all." Maybe she sees the still rising panic in Bodhi's eyes because she finishes, "It'll grow back, I promise you." 

She pulls out a hand scanner from one of her coat pockets. 

"How do you otherwise feel?" She asks as she runs it over his body. 

Bodhi shrugs. 

"Tired. Woozy." 

"Any pain or discomfort? Apart from being cold?" 

Bodhi shakes his head. "Not really." 

"Nothing unusual on your scans, let's sit you up and I can have a look at your skin." 

"Maybe I should go. Let you get examined in peace," Cassian says. 

"That would-" 

"No!" Bodhi's desperate plea cuts off the doctor's voice. The thought of losing the one familiar thing he has right now, Cassian's voice and face, makes his heart triphammer. 

"Perhaps you should stay if you will, Captain Andor," dr Alon says mildly. 

"Of course." 

"Perhaps I could persuade you to lend a hand with mr Rook?" 

Together, Cassian and dr Alon helps Bodhi sit up and Cassian supports him as he's examined. His muscle still tired, making him feel weak and wobbly and it makes sitting taxing. 

The examination passes in near silence, Bodhi only speaking when asked, the feelings of cold, distress and grief making him withdrawn. 

"You can lie down again," Alon finally says and Bodhi breathes a sigh of relief when Cassian lowers him back down. 

"Your skin is healing very well, I doubt there'll be any permanent damage visible. But it will be sensitive in the near future, another reason why you're feeling so cold. It should pass with time." 

Bodhi just nods, not feeling up to speaking any longer. He just wants to sleep if he can. 

The doctor turns her attention to Cassian. 

"Captain Andor, I have no objection to you staying as long as mr Rook gets some rest. He's probably more likely _to_ rest if you're here." The doctor runs her eyes over Cassian's form. "And so are you, Captain. Call me if either of you need anything." 

With those words she's gone. 

The doctor's words make Bodhi take a better look at Cassian. The man looks about as bad as Bodhi feels. There are several half healed cuts scattered all over the parts of the skin that Bodhi can see, his left hand is wrapped in bandages and there are heavy, dark smudges under his eyes. 

"You should listen to the doctor and get some sleep," Bodhi says softly. 

"I can rest here," Cassian replies as he pulls over a chair to Bodhi's bedside. "Believe me, I've slept worse places." 

"Can't be comfortable though." A thought strikes his tired mind. "You could sleep here. I mean, this bed's large enough for two." It's certainly much wider than the regular pilot's bunks he's used to, it should accommodate both of them. 

Cassian's eyes goes a little wide. 

"That's... that's a bad idea." 

"Why? You can lie down and so can I." 

The look Cassian gives him is softer than any he's ever seen and filled with a longing that almost steals his breath. 

"It... just is. I'll explain when you're feeling better. Promise." 

"Did I do something wrong?" 

"No, Bodhi. You did everything just right." 

Subconsciously Bodhi's hand seeks out his ponytail, to play with the hair like he always does when stressed only to find nothing. Fidgeting at empty air, his fingers twitch unsure of what to do with themselves now, his palms getting cold and clammy. 

Cassian must have noticed, maybe that's why he gives him such an odd look. 

"Would you be okay alone for a few minutes?" Cassian asks. "There's something I'd like to go get." 

Bodhi nods and Cassian is out the door in an instant. 

Alone in the dimly lit room, Bodhi tries to get comfortable and fails miserably, the chill on his head a constant, unnerving distraction, all made worse by the lack of his usual method of stress relief. His memories tries to press in again, but he pushes them back. It's too much right now. 

A few minutes later Cassian returns, carrying his big, blue parka coat. 

"I think this may help. Let's sit you up again for a moment." 

With mutual effort Bodhi gets upright for a few seconds and Cassian wraps the coat around his shoulders and pulls the hood up over his head. 

"There that should keep you warm." 

When he lies down he's wrapped in the warmth of the hood and Cassian's scent. 

"Better?" Cassian asks. 

Bodhi makes an agreeable noise as his fingers drift to the fur collar and starts twinning the long hairs. 

Catching the brief smile that flits across Cassians lips, his hand freezes. 

"Go on, if it helps you relax," Cassian says. 

Bodhi hesitates.  

"You know, you can ask Kay about all my embarrassing habits when you're up and about. Should even things out if you need it." 

"How did you..." Bodhi asks quietly. It is a habit he tries to keep under the radar, not everyone likes it when he does it. 

"It's my job. To read people's tells." Cassian looks away in discomfort. "It's rarely to their advantage." 

Bodhi reaches out with his free hand and takes Cassian's. 

"Thank you," he says 

"It's nothing. Keep it till your hair grows out, I've got others." Cassian sends him a soft smile. "Now try to get some sleep." 

Bodhi hesitates for a moment then comes to a snap decision and shifts away on the bed while keeping hold of Cassian's hand. 

"Only if you lie down here with me so you can get some rest too." 

Cassian tries to pull out of his grip, but Bodhi stubbornly holds on. 

"It really is a bad idea." 

"Why? I don't mind." 

He can see the conflict that plays out in Cassian's eyes. 

"You're not the only one who can read tells you know," Bodhi presses. 

Cassian goes ridgid. 

"I should go." 

"You should never go." 

"You don't know-" 

"I do. Come here." He pulls gently at Cassian's hand. 

He hasn't thought much about Cassian. No that's a lie, he has thought a lot about Cassian, ever since they met. He just haven't had much time to think about him in. But he has thought about him, his eyes, his smile, how gentle he could be, all at odds with the hardened agent side of him. Bodhi knows he wants to get to know him, now that they have time for it and unless he's mistaken Cassian wants to get to know him too. 

After a long awkward pause, where neither man speaks nor moves, Cassian climbs onto the bed and lies on top of the covers. Bodhi briefly considers trying to convince him to get beneath them, but that might make Cassian bolt. 

"Now will you sleep?" Cassian asks. 

"Will you stay?" 

"Yes." 

This will have to do, for now. 

Bodhi closes his eyes, holding onto Cassian with one hand and the fingers of the other tangled in the fur of Cassian's coat. 

"I am going to ask Kay about your embarrassing habits, you know," Bodhi says, trying to relive some of the tension. "When I'm out of here." 

"He'll probably tell you without prompting. He likes you," Cassian says softly. 

"You like me too," Bodhi presses.  

Maybe this is too much, too soon, but the last few days have shown him that you never know how much time you have, that it can all be over before you know it. He doesn't want to lose this chance by not acting while he still has time. 

There's a pregnant pause before Cassian speaks again. "Yes, I like you too." 

"Me too," Bodhi replies, looking straight into Cassian's eyes. "I mean, _I_ like _you_. Too." 

Cassian's hand caresses him cheek, half hidden though it is in the depth of the hood, sadness marking his features. 

"We'll talk in the morning." 

"I'm not so tired I don't know what I'm saying. I meant that. I liked you since the start, but I think I fell for you after Eadu." 

"Tomorrow," Cassian insists, his voice suddenly rough and Bodhi knows it is time to back down.  

They have a tomorrow now. There are other who don't, but they do. He doesn't know how much time they do have, but that will be soon enough he decides. 

"Only if you promise you'll try to sleep too." 

"Blackmailer." There is warmth and fondness in Cassian's voice now. 

"Is it working?" 

"Yes." 

"Okay, I can live with myself then." 

"Now you really need to rest, or dr Alon is going to throw me out for disturbing you." 

"Can't have that," Bodhi replies sleepily, suddenly feeling overwhelmed and exhausted by it all. 

And despite everything - Scarif, the loss of Jedha and hsi whole family, his own uncertain future - all Bodhi can feel in that moment, buried in Cassian's jacket, their hands clasped tightly together, is safe. 

For the first time in years, for perhaps the first time since he was a small child, Bodhi feels perfectly safe and to the rhythmic breath of the man who lies beside him, he drifts off to sleep. 


End file.
